I feel hurt not because we have not spoken for days, but because you thought it was okay and I was nothing, and that I will feel nothing about it.
I feel hurt not because you are busy but because I feel like nothing to you. I wish I could be your acads so your attention would be drawn to me.
I feel hurt not because I am telling you I do, but because I have been telling you ever since I dislike it when you are not dropping by yet you have forgotten, hence this issue keeps on repeating.
I feel hurt not because I am insecure towards your college peers, but because you cannot give one-tenth of your time to your girlfriend.
I feel hurt not because I am prone of getting hurt, but because I love you and I no longer know if the pain is still worthwhile.
WARNING: CHEESY STATEMENT AT THE END OF THE ARTICLE. BETTER LEAVE THIS BLOG SITE NOW IF YOU THINK MAKOKORNIHAN KA. OOOPS! DON’T SCROLL YET. DON’T BECOME A SPOILER TO YOURSELF. HAHAHA.
Sometime in academic year 2013-2014, my patience and understanding were put to test. This has made me realize that love isn’t just about “pagtatawagan/pagtetextan/pagchachat araw araw” to establish [what they call] “constant communication.”
I do agree that to have a long lasting relationship, communication is a great factor. In my course, I am bombarded with numbers enumerating the importance of communication, and quite frankly, nakakabobo na. Of course I know how important it is, in fact, I am well-versed with its functions, models and importance because I had been dealing with them the past two semesters. Anyway, being a [future] communicator for development, I would definitely agree that to establish a stable relationship (with sparks and kilig and everything), communication is a must.
The concept of “constant communication” is very demanding. Well, at least in my opinion. Constant, it has to be continuous. “Tuloy tuloy” in Filipino. And when you say it has to be continuous, most likely young lovers would think that it is meant literally. Literal na dapat tuloy tuloy. Hehe. That is why in my opinion; the new concept of “constant communication” is very demanding.
Open-mindedness and responsibility are overlooked. Most of the young lovers are enclosed with the literal definition of constant communication, kaya reasons like “Di mo ko mabigyan ng oras”, “Di na tayo masyadong nag-uusap lately”, and etc came into existence. Hahaha. Chill. Be willing to consider not just different ideas and opinions, but feelings as well. After the realization of what it means being an open-minded partner, responsibility comes next. Remember that you are not the only priority. I am not saying this to discourage you [even further. Joke lang]. I am saying this because even when you were not yet brought into this sinister place, your parents’ dream is to witness you get a college diploma, hence mag-aral daw nang mabuti. Kekeke.
I remember one time, it was during the hell week in UP that I became so ‘matampuhin’ because Matthew and I were not talking lately. Although he never failed to remind me to eat on time, to take care, to say I love you’s and I miss you’s, a part of me was longing for that conversation he and I used to have. What I did was, I sent him messages expressing how ‘nakakatampo’ it was, and how he would tell me he needed to review just when I thought it was already an “us” time was so irritating that I chose not to reply anymore, but what he replied was something that changed my wrong concept about “constant communication”…
“Hindi ko naman ginagawa ‘to para lang pumasa. Ginagawa ko ‘to para sa future nating dalawa so when that time comes, I can provide our needs. I can be that father to our kids who gives not only emotional support, but financial support as well. I can be a good husband to you in the future. Tiis lang muna tayo, soon we will be living under the same roof and [I] promise na after ng hell week, babawi ako sa’yo. I love you.”
Few years from now, if I am authorized already to do the talks in seminars, I will instill in the minds of the schoolchildren that the Philippines needs them. Take choosing their career path for example. What do we usually hear when there is a career orientation? Aren’t we convinced by three factors, namely: salary wise, the demand of the course, and the interest? Yet these three factors don’t go in harmony most of the time. How they help us visualize our future is the future on how to make a living. What we don’t see is the tendency of the students to seek for a greener pasture when they graduate, and no wonder why most of the Filipinos go abroad to seek for a pleasure that we all know isn’t found in the Philippines. If we instill in their minds how their courses will help the country, who will still want to go abroad? They won’t only think of their future but the future of their fellow Filipinos as well. In DevCom, we define “poor” as someone who doesn’t have an option. Filipinos who do not have options are forced to do things like committing a crime, working overseas, and etc. Anong magagawa nila? Eh wala nga silang option. That is why when we instill this mindset to children, we are already creating options to those who weren’t able to have one. Options that are exclusively found in our country, and when we instill such mindset, we are bringing out the nationalism in them, which I think is very essential to build a better country. And in DevCom, we strongly believe that the true measurement of development is man.
I thought I could have that one reason to be happy today. I thought being happy with such reason will cover up all the scratches made by my emotional crisis, existential crisis, academic problems, spiritual turmoil (because I am so lost right now), plus the gap between me and my mom, and I do not have peers in college anymore because they seem to be so far away that even talking to them feels there’s a barrier in between.
I bought dinner downstairs because I know you wouldn’t like it if I skip meals, so even tho I am having an inexplicable emotional pain, I thought of eating because I didn’t want you to worry. Just when I had with me my dinner, I saw that one red notification in my inbox, and from that moment, I read your message. Words had escaped me but tears didn’t. I put down my plate and literally cried. I could physically feel the pain. I no longer know where to place myself since everything seems so wrong and I didn’t know anymore how to resolve each of my problems. Never did I feel that all of my problems would attack me simultaneously, ngayon lang. To make things worse, I lost my appetite and could only think death is my great escapade.
I was planning to get the knife and cut myself, but the mere thought of you had made me put it down, and from here, I am just crying. :’c
I envy the couples I see around the campus.
That moment when you can clearly see Kuya shyly attempts to hold Ate’s hand.
That moment when you walk behind them and you see the joy in their smile.
That moment when you can read them lip syncing the words “I love you”.
That moment when Ate rests her head on Kuya’s shoulder.
That moment when you see them eating together.
That moment when you witness them kiss.
That moment when Kuya carries Ate’s bag (even though it isn’t heavy).
That moment when you also feel as if they are the only people in the world.
Unknown (via intensional)
Julius Lester (via writingquotes)
I’m a pessimist, you’re an optimist. I believe in parallel universe, but you don’t. You find gaming a form of entertainment, but I don’t. I see the glass half-empty, but you see it in a very literal way—- basong may tubig. I am an overly deep person, and you aren’t. I am outspoken, and you are not. You are not showy, but I am. We may be total opposite, but we both believe in forever. I guess, that reason is enough why we work things out in our relationship harmoniously. I love you, Mat. :)